If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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