Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
