I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
