Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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