drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
