I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
