you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
