We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
