Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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