worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
