I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
