I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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