I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
