Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Nicole vs. Life
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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