I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
