Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
