The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
