I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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