i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think people are normalizing furries
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
