I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
