Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
