my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
