Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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