Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You can't just leave with hair like that
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
