She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
