You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
