Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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