Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
