Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
