That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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