she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
