Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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