i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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