So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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