i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
