Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
