well you can't waste a boner
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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