I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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