And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
