I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
