I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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