I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
