he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
