So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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