They should really pass out barf bags in church
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
