it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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