The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
