mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
