I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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