the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
