Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
