Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
