She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
