Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
