im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
