I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
