He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
