I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
