Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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