you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
