I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
