I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
