3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
